Husband of @Amyfishgirl; Proud papa; .NET developer for @TrekBikes; South Park conservative; board game geek; and I pretty much always have cold hands.
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When the design failings we’ve been warning of since...

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When the design failings we’ve been warning of since forever finally bite hard

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ckittel
808 days ago
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Beaver Dam, WI
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Are You Sure There Isn’t Something Else I Can Do Before the End of the School Year?

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Are you sure that I can’t fill out and/or sign another field trip form-fundraising form-class placement form-book order form-class party form-popsicle request-overdue library books notice-missing library books notice-school district feedback form-one month of half-filled-out reading logs?

Are you sure that I can’t contribute to one last bake sale or five? Are you sure that I can’t make it something that’s gluten-free, nut-free, egg-free, dairy-free, non-GMO, organic, and/or won’t hurt anyone’s feelings? Are you sure bright pink fake fat frosting from a can won’t work? Have I mentioned I have the culinary skills of a pile of rocks?

Are you sure that I can’t send in money for a yearbook? A class trip to get ice cream sandwiches? A PTO donation? A visiting author’s signed book? Tickets for the end of school year party? A baseball game? The god damn recorders I didn’t even want my kids to have in the first place?

Are you sure that I can’t get the money to you in the form of a check because I’m a pioneer woman? Are you positive you don’t want to accept PayPal or Square or — no, I know. That’s crazy. You’re not a spaceship.

Are you sure that I can’t chaperone one or all eleven of the field trips between now and the last day of school? Don’t worry, I no longer have time to hold down a job. By the way, remember all that time between January and April? What happened there?

Are you sure that there isn’t some sort of spring concert-adorable play-other emotionally manipulative school event to go to now or every night until the last day of school? You know, something where maybe one of the boys can wear a too-big tie or the tallest girl in class can shyly stoop down in the back row? Maybe it could be a third grade dance or a fifth grade graduation? That sort of thing.

Are you sure that 273 art projects couldn’t be sent home all at once? Preferably stuffed into a flimsy about-to-split-open plastic grocery bag? Are you sure you aren’t giving me some other kid’s stuff, too?

Are you sure that there can’t be some sort of complicated theme weeks that my kids can get all whipped up over even though they could barely manage to pair a shirt with pants the other 41 weeks of the year? If possible, could it be something where we’ll have to gather an incredibly random assortment of props on extremely short notice? Maybe an orange wig, two different colors of the same style of shoes, and a sports jersey from 1991? Just spitballing here. Can you make sure that any errands related to each theme can be spread out amongst multiple locations across town thereby obliterating one entire day from the scoreboard of my life?

Are you sure that a room parent can’t come up with one or three end-of-year classroom projects like that one time when we had two days’ notice for each kid to cut out 38 2” x 2” squares for a paper mosaic project? And I mean 2” x 2” exactly, it said so in the e-mail. Something complicated and requiring extreme precision is exactly the sort of thing I’m in the mood for right now. Got anything like that?

Are you sure that I can’t get you a teacher gift? Are you sure that I can’t read two or five shitty mom blog posts about what an appropriate teacher gift might be? Are you sure I can’t just get you a nice bottle of wine? I have one right here, it’s already open.

Are you sure you need to give me that summer reading list-library flyer-academic camp brochure? Are you sure that I can’t just let my kids get dumber by 1/3rd until they come back here in the fall like we all used to?

Are you sure you can’t make me panic more about how little time I have until the school year is almost over? So I can be reminded that the only thing that allows me to approach my work with any sort of mental and structural stability (not to mention without going bankrupt, ha!) is about to go away for ten weeks? I’m not panicking enough about that. Can you help me?

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ckittel
864 days ago
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Beaver Dam, WI
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When I ask the Sharepoint consultant why on earth he’d...

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When I ask the Sharepoint consultant why on earth he’d subject himself to that kind of work

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ckittel
876 days ago
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Beaver Dam, WI
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XKCD Stack

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This site requires Sun Java 6.0.0.1 (32-bit) or higher. You have Macromedia Java 7.3.8.1¾ (48-bit). Click here [link to java.com main page] to download an installer which will run fine but not really change anything.
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ckittel
986 days ago
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Beaver Dam, WI
popular
990 days ago
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4 public comments
Zaphod717
987 days ago
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"A dev typing really fast"
lulz
The Belly of the Beast
aaronwe
990 days ago
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I want Microsoft Bob Server. Now.
Denver
aaronwe
990 days ago
Also, I'm disappointed that Hypercard.js isn't a thing. Someone needs to get on that.
gradualepiphany
990 days ago
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Oh man. It would be utterly horrifying / hilarious for someone to try and take a single big VFX shot and actually write down the ENTIRE stack that generated the final image.
Los Angeles, California, USA
tdarby
990 days ago
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I literally recoiled a bit at the MongoDB/Excel layer
Baltimore, MD
Covarr
990 days ago
What's wrong with MongoDB? I heard it's web scale.
samuel
990 days ago
Your reply is stored in it.
srsly
986 days ago
Nothing (or at least not too much) is wrong with MongoDB. It's the MondoDB/Excel combination which is terrifying. Are we updating spreadsheets which are stored inside the database?? OR DO WE HAVE A SPREADSHEET WITH A DATABASE SAVED TO EACH CELL??

Beer

15 Comments and 30 Shares
Mmmm, this is such a positive experience! I feel no social pressure to enjoy it at all!
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ckittel
1228 days ago
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Beaver Dam, WI
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13 public comments
llucax
1216 days ago
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Finally somebody else say it!
Berlin
ktgeek
1224 days ago
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Don't like it, don't drink it. It's okay. I don't like most hard liquor. And there are types of beer I don't like, but in general...MMMMMMM beer.
Bartlett, IL
austinstorm
1225 days ago
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It took me a loong time to like beer. I'm not fond of the trend of really hoppy beers, and prefer Belgians. I still like craft cocktails better on the whole, but beer is worth acquiring a taste for.
Moscow, Idaho
mrobold
1227 days ago
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I once felt as you do. Drink some more...it will go away.
Orange County, California
mdurakovich
1227 days ago
That's not acquired taste, that's Stockholm Syndrome
gradualepiphany
1228 days ago
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Hm. This was not my experience at all.
Los Angeles, California, USA
kazriko
1223 days ago
It is mine. Though, some herbal liquors aren't terrible.
trparky
1228 days ago
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If you have only drank the mass produced, mass marketed beers and say that you don't like beer, well then... that's your problem. Most mass produced swill is just that, swill. Please pour that back into the sick horse it came out of. If you want good beer, discover micro-brew.
markcaudill
1228 days ago
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I really like beer. The learning-to-like-beer phase for me was short. I do think it's kind of silly to keep drinking it if you don't like it though. Why would a grown person spend their money on something they don't like?
Washington, DC
eraycollins
1228 days ago
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This is my recollection from about age fifteen or sixteen years.
tante
1228 days ago
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xkcd on beer (and probably other aquired tastes).
Oldenburg/Germany
JayM
1228 days ago
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Ha!
Atlanta, GA
pseudomatic
1228 days ago
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Beer tasting bad is a feature. You have to earn the right to be drunk.
ddmf
1228 days ago
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It's not that you don't like beer - it's that you haven't found the beer for you yet...
Dundee
skittone
1227 days ago
Nope. Some of us just don't like beer.
korg250
1227 days ago
@skittone : then don't drink it!
alt_text_bot
1228 days ago
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Mmmm, this is such a positive experience! I feel no social pressure to enjoy it at all!

Drunkspo

jwz
6 Comments and 22 Shares
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ckittel
1275 days ago
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Beaver Dam, WI
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1277 days ago
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6 public comments
StunGod
1276 days ago
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So inspirational!
Portland, Oregon, USA, Earth
Courtney
1276 days ago
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Hey this is honestly what addiction to alcohol looks like. So...good job?
Portland, OR
dmierkin
1277 days ago
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Cute
evaryont
1277 days ago
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This is one of those things that is both wonderful, and terrible.
Phoenix, AZ
ktgeek
1277 days ago
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I need to print everyone of these out.
Bartlett, IL
jimwise
1277 days ago
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(!)
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